Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
