so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
