sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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