I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize