his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
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wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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