The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
