We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
