As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
