hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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