I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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