Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
