her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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