I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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