My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
