Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
