I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize