Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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