You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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