i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
