You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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