Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
