Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
