So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
