I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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