Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
