I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
