check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
