We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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