Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
