did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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