I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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