there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
