he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
