Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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