you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
