Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
home. puking in laundry basket.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize