Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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