when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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