Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
