Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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