no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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