Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize