I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
