Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think a kid would responsible me up
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
