i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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