thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
