he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
