I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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