Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i believe in u and ur pee
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