GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
