mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
But theres a keg here and me gusta
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
