I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
