I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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