Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
