And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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