If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
don't judge my taste in strippers
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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