I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
