New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
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