Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
