They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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