Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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