i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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