oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
