her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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