can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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