at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
