do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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