you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
