Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize