he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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