If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
