I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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