I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
