Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
