We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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