Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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